I had my first date in 35-years. It was a blind date. But, I was immediately reminded why I never accepted a blind date in my youth.
He was a nice man and we had some mutual interests. Thank goodness one of them was his political view. I’ve often thought I could never kiss a conservative. How do Mary Matalin and James Carville co-exist, have a meeting of the minds, and sleep in the same bed?
When I think of the great divide between a liberally minded individual and one who’s not, I can’t imagine locking lips and being passionately engaged. Actually, just holding hands would be difficult for me.
And if he were steadfast and closed-minded to any other viewpoint, that would be a deal breaker. So making myself available to the possibility of finding another soul with which to share time with…and hopefully, a little more than that, I’ve had to give thought to what he would need to be.
Of course, I know myself a lot better than I did in my twenties. But if I were honest with myself, my list today would not be far different from what it would have been then. The biggest difference is I can better discern his real self from his outward persona.
On that note, I would hope that he was long past putting on a false bravado. He has to have a good sense of humor. He has to be worldly and concerned and involved in the world with which we live.
I want a partner with an intellect, who can converse on a myriad of topics, and enjoys doing so. I want him to make me laugh, and enjoy the fact that I laugh heartily. I’d like someone who enjoys doing things, going places, and who is at ease in a room full of strangers as well as friends.
I’d like him to be youthful in his view of the world. In fact, I’d like him to be five or more years my junior. He would need to be comfortable with a strong, vibrant, talented woman, because that’s who I am.
Unlike in my youth, when I’d live in a shoebox with the love of my life, today he would need to be financially comfortable. I’d want someone who would enjoy traveling and seeing the sights of the world.
He has to be a reader, and a theatre-goer, and enjoy fine dining and good food. He has to be sensitive and aware, complimentary and adoring. He would need to be someone who wants to spend time with me and who will easily express his love and his desires and who will look adoringly at me.
And he would need to be a man who doesn’t think that holding hands should only be done in private. I want him to be a man who will wear his love for all to see. I don’t mean that I want him to be gregariously passionate in public, but that he will openly look lovingly at me in public or not.
I want a gentle, loving and kind man, an appreciative partner, an affectionate partner, and a selfless lover. He would need to be a tolerant, thoughtful man, wise in many ways, but not grandiose or arrogant in his self-confidence. Rather, he’d be a man comfortable in his own skin, who knows his self-worth and who has no need to boast about his accomplishments or knowledge for the sake of impressing others.
He will absolutely be a non-smoker, a social drinker who never gets drunk or over imbibes. He’d need to be a man who values his friendships and family, and those around him. He’ll be adventurous about life in general; he’ll enjoy having fun. He’ll be curious and still yearn to learn.
He’ll have a calm nature. He’ll be able to express his displeasure without raising his voice or using platitudes. He will enjoy spending time with me, but won’t be jealous of the time I spend with my friends with or without him. In fact, he won’t be jealous at all because he will be confident in what we have as a couple, and who we are individually.
He’ll be a man I can look up to and respect, and he will introduce me to new views and new thoughts. He’ll be equally intrigued by my offerings. He’ll make me eager to wake to a new day, and it would be imperative that I did the same for him.
He’ll be appreciative of my excellent cooking and willing to share in either the preparation or the cleanup. He’ll be a modern man who does not believe in female domains and male domains. He won’t begrudgingly put in a load of laundry or wash the dishes. He’ll be a true partner in life.
He’ll also care about his personal hygiene and dress. He’ll buy me flowers for no reason and he’ll compliment how I look not because it’s expected or appropriate, but rather because he wants to…and he feels it.
He won’t be judgmental, critical or rude. He’ll accept my foibles, as I will his without the need to change one another.
If it turns out that I cannot find a man who fulfills my contemplative list then perhaps I’m not meant to meet another. Watching comic, Steve Harvey, recently I heard him say to a viewer, “Would God create your soul mate and not let you meet him?”
I loved that. However, I did find my soul mate. We spent 34 glorious years together. My question is, “are we entitled to more than one soul mate in a lifetime?” I pray the answer is a resounding yes.
Nevertheless, it does make me ponder, if it’s not piggish of me to want a semblance of what I once had. I know so many wonderful, beautiful people who have never had what I once had. They’re each so deserving. Should they not get their chance of love everlasting before I embark on my crusade to find another perfect human-being for me?